Point B

With Mother's Day coming up, and a big birthday for my mom coming up this year, motherhood has been on my mind a lot.

I got absolutely tossed into motherhood. I've mentioned it a few times, but my daughter Sadie was an absolute surprise. It was (and still very much is) a whirlwind. I know they say you never are truly ready for parenthood but I seriously was not ready. I lived at home, my boyfriend of 18 months lived an hour away with his dad, I worked at daycare, I never finished college, I had no real direction in life. I was in my mid 20s just drifting along wherever life pushed me.

Then, halfway through my pregnancy, a silly little thing called Covid 19 happened. That was a blast.

Please tell me you can sense the sarcasm dripping off every word in the previous two sentences.

But once I held my little girl in my arms, looked at her big blue eyes, and heard her little sounds, I knew that no matter what was happening outside of the four walls around us, it didn't matter because I had her, and she had me. I would wrap her tiny little body up in my arms for whatever she needed protecting from.

Since having my adorable little gremlin as I lovingly call her, I have had so many mothers come into my life to help guide me. I also have a plethora of newfound respect for all the moms in my life I knew before having Sades. I don't know how you ladies did it, but wow. Give yourselves a pat on the back, an extra 20 minutes in the shower, and an extra glass of wine tonight.

All of these mothers have shown me the amazing gift that being a mom is. There is truly nothing like it, and it's harder than hell to describe the love you feel for your baby or babies. I thought I loved my daycare test run kids (G$ and JBug will always be two of the top test runs for me), but Sadie is a love I have never known.

This school year, I was asked to move from preschool to kindergarten, yes I made all the jokes about being a big girl now. What I didn't realize I was also agreeing to was a friendship I didn't know I would have or need. My lead teacher is one of the most incredible, proud, and fierce mothers I have ever come across, and she has basically transformed into my work mom.

She told me a heartwarming story about her daughter (who I have also become good friends with) and showed me a poem. The poem took my breath away.

Go grab tissues, a glass of water, compose yourself.

I sent the video to my mom this week. I explained that I wanted to wait until her birthday, but we have also experienced a lot of loss recently, and although my mom is healthy and I don't anticipate losing her any time soon, it was another reminder of how short life is so I sent it randomly. I told her when I watched this, yes, I thought of Sadie, but I also thought of how many things I have just instinctively done because of what my mom had ingrained in me.

If I were to write a poem about my mom, it would be called "Ice & Advil". My mom raised us to believe that there was nothing ice & Advil couldn't fix, until we were 21 and she changed it to a glass of pinot griot. My mom never had to tell us that she was our "point b", because we just knew she was.

My mom is one of those people who you aren't sure they hear you when you say thank you. She is a mom to her core. For her actual kids, her husband, her siblings, her friends, anyone lucky enough to know her. She is the mom everyone loves. She's Dizee. (for those wondering, it's dye-zee, not dizzy.) She's the easiest person to make fun of, because not for nothing, she's hilarious. She's the mom that held you to the standard of getting As and Bs in school, because she did, but when you clean out her childhood home and find a report card with a C on it, she'll lie say its not hers, then change it to the teacher not liking her, then finally cave and say she was just trying to hold us to a higher standard. That is one of my favorite stories of her honestly.

My favorite thing about my mom is how many people tell me I am a mini version of her. As a teenager, craving my own identity, I resented those words. Now as a young mom, I am thankful to be compared to such a force of a woman. If I end up being half the mom she was to me for Sadie, I'l be happy. But also knowing that Sadie has Dizee for a grandmother is so reassuring for me. I must say, she thrives as a Nunna.

Both of my sisters and I have shining qualities from our mom, mostly our talking abilities, but I love that she shines through the three of us.

For those of you lucky enough to still have your moms around, text her, call her, go see her. That's all it takes to make her happy. Don't have to say much, just talk to her. More than a handful of my loved ones don't have the ability to do this anymore, and that realization hits me hard every time. I have the ability to fight with my mom, make fun of my mom, call her, text her, hug her. I never realized how much I take that for granted until recently.

Motherhood has made me an absolute sap, it seems, but I thank Dizee for that too.

Happy upcoming mother's day to all the moms out there, thank you for leading the way for us and showing us how to get shit done. May every day be Mother's Day for you all.